Mommy Confessions: Go to your room

I have really surprised myself as a mom when it comes to the patience department.  My siblings would probably tell you that as a young person, I could be a bit volatile.  Like a dry match just looking for something to rub me the wrong way so that I could explode with dramatic flare.  Let's just say, there are very few moments in life that I look back on with regret, but they all include my blowing up and either making a fool of myself or really hurting close friends or family.  So I'm not sure if maturity, marriage, middle schoolers, God, or a combination of all 4 are to credit, but I think I've mellowed out.  There have been times, as a mom, that the old me would have gone off like a truckload of fireworks, but somehow I've managed to laugh or breathe through most situations.  Like this one...

Yeah, those would be my laptop keys on the floor

When I walked in and found him on the bed popping keys off one by one, all I could do was laugh on the inside.  However, as a parent, I know the importance of discipline and making sure he knew the gravity of the situation.  Part of me wanted to storm in, grab him by the shoulders, scream " have you LOST YOUR MIND?!!!" Instead I walked in, took his face in my hands and calmly explained that he was in trouble.  Upon hearing that he broke Mommy's computer and that it was very very bad...he started crying.  It might be the first time I've really seen him remorseful of what he had done.  So I chalked it up as a win for me.  No temper needed.  Just the facts.  You screwed up, son, and mom's not happy about it.  He hasn't touched the computer since.

But my best moment so far in this Terrible Two's adventure has been "go to your room until you are ready to obey mommy."  As he toddles up the stairs obediently and shuts his door, I think "did that really just happen?!"  Yeah, it did.  And it TOTALLY WORKED!  At a moment when I could not TAKE another whine, fake tear, or obstinate cry I sent him away for fear of losing my temper.  It was my answer to I don't want to damage your soul, but if you're gonna cry...I don't really care to hear it right now. 

My husband tried it again while fighting the all too familiar "take another bite" dinner table game.  We'd had enough.  Carter had his mouth covered with both hands and eyes tightly shut.  You would have thought that chicken casserole was cold chopped liver.  Well, no sense in ruining our dinner..."go to your room until you are ready to eat your dinner."  10 minutes later he is back at the table happily eating while Daniel and I cheer him on. 

My principal once told me that teaching is like a game.  "You just have to learn how to win against the students every day."  If you lose your cool or leave feeling defeated you've lost.  If they leave having done what you asked and learned something in the process you've won. I like to think of parenting in the same way. Yay me for keeping my cool, and for teaching my kid that it's not okay to act like a hooligan.  One victory at a time, right?

The Holiday That Stole Christmas

I won't lie.  I've been called a grinch before, and quite frankly, I wore the badge proudly.  I'm not really ashamed to say that I've never been a big fan of Christmas.  Correction: I've never been a fan of all the Christmas shananagans.  I don't enjoy Christmas movies.  I hate even the thought of eggnog.  Wish lists seem incredibly selfish, but who wants to give a gift that isn't well received?  So we better throw in a gift receipt in case you want to TAKE IT BACK??! Then there's the shopping.  The crowds generally just piss me off because for people who are claiming to have cheer, there is NO Christmas spirit in the checkout lines that I've waited in.  Not to mention, I'm allergic to evergreen trees and cinnamon scented things give me asthma attacks. I just don't get in to it.  Never have.  When I was younger I had the whole Santa conversation with my mother.  I told her that I really WANTED to believe, but I just didn't.  The idea is so pretty and sparkly and fun.  Who wouldn't want to believe?  As hard as our grandparents tried...I was never convinced.

So it didn't hurt my feelings when, as a my then fiance, Daniel told me he didn't want to tell our children that Santa was real. He was devistated as a child when he found out that Santa wasn't real...never fully recovered if you ask me.  Good.  One less thing, right?  One less charade to put on.  Great chance to emphasize the real reason for the season, right?  Well, yes....and no.

As long as we stay in our little world here at home, it's great.  But when we leave and are bombarded with "Holiday" ridiculousness it seems like all the Baby Jesus talk becomes pointless.  And because we haven't played up the whole Santa, elves and naughty or nice stuff people look at me like I'm the grinch that stole Carter's Christmas.  Don't get me wrong, he knows that Santa is the one in The Night Before Christmas book who says "On Dasher, on Dancer..." and that he has a white beard.  But we are keeping him as that...a character from books and movies.  But the cashier lady at Target gave me a scornful eye when he didn't respond to her Santa questions.  And relatives look at ME when he doesn't answer the question "What do YOU want for Christmas?" It's like they think he's less intelligent because he doesn't provide the appropriate response to those questions.  And I've found that people's view of holiday traditions are similar to every other part of parenthood...very personal.  And everyone has very strong opinions one way or the other.  So instead of snapping back with "Actually we are choosing NOT to focus on shiny material things and what we can get get GET from some fat man in a red suit, thank you!" I will be practicing my dismissive shoulder shrug and winning smile as if to say "oh well."

All that being said, I'm trying my best to find other ways to make the holiday Christmas special. I'm digging deep here people...trying to remember what my favorite parts of Christmas were.  So here they are...my traditions.  Some are fashioned from my childhood and some are things that I've recently found to be nice enough to do every year.

-Decorating the tree together while listening to...
-James Taylor's Christmas album
-Making homemade christmas cards or ornaments
-Sugary confections!! Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, peppermint patty brownies, chocolate covered pretzels (chocolate covered anything really), made from scratch hot cocoa, haystacks, and I'm fairly certain there will be some sort of jello mold- because Aunt Tammy's Jello Santa complete with whipped cream beard was always my favorite.
-A kid friendly, touchable, unbreakable nativity.  Got one as a gift last year (another shout out to Tammy) and Carter loves it.  Plus, it helps to....
-Tell the story of baby Jesus.  Been using his toddler bible and it is way fun.
-Make wrapping and giving gifts just as fun as getting gifts.  I let Carter put on the gift tags, hold his finger in the bows while I tied, and he even learned to tear the tape from the dispenser (we are working on appropriate tape length).
-Advent calendar
-Charlie Brown's Christmas (for Daniel)

I'm sure this list will grow and include things that I never thought would be traditions.  And I'm excited...Santa or no Santa. 

It's that time of year again...

That's right.  It's that time of year.  The air is crisp and weighted with excitement.  The smell of baked goods fills every home on the street.  The lights.  The singing.  The joy.  It's beginning to look a lot like....my birthday!

So in honor of my birthday month (and because I may be too exhausted in 20 days to actually celebrate it), I give you my thoughts on turning 28.

If you would have told me ten years ago that by the age of 28....

-I'd be married to a wonderful, successful, accomplished, intelligent, funny, handsome man

-I'd be a mother to the most beautiful, hilarious, and charismatic 2 year old

-I'd be awaiting the birth of a second baby boy

-I'd have graduated college with an education degree (not journalism, marine biology, english, dance or theater) and am already happily retired

-I'd prefer quiet nights at home with my family rather than nights out at bars

-I'd dream of a big house in the country rather than a small loft in the city

-I'd lean more on my faith in God than on my own strength or understanding

-I'd have a great group of girl friends who support and love me...all of whom I love and support in return

-I'd feel more beautiful than ever

-I'd learn to appreciate where I came from

-I'd spend less than 20 minutes in front of a mirror on an average day

-I'd laugh more as a married mom than as a carefree teen

-A clean house and toddler kisses are my 2 favorite things

-I'd know that the older I get, the happier I am

...I wouldn't have believed you.





A Fresh Perspective

This blog is off the tail of several conversations with my husband, pastor, mom and others...just need to get it out of my head.

Every now and then, in any profession, we all need a pick-me-up.  A little reminder of why we do what we do. As a teacher, it was those light bulb moments when something clicked with a student.  As a professional it may come by way of a raise, promotion, or a grateful client.  As a SAHM I get mine with every "smacker kiss" and "make mommy happy."  But I've also realized that these moments usually come after a long battle on the potty, a dinner plate stand-off, or a for-no-reason-at-all toddler tantrum.  So sometimes I have to breathe in deep and remember that children are a blessing, not just something else in life to deal with.  Because I stay at home, I think I may have a little more patience in these moments.  A little more guile to stick to my cause when trying to teach a lesson.  A little more perspective when being shouted at by a 2 year old.  A little more resolve when things don't go the way I had planned.  I know, with all that I am, that God blessed me with a child(soon to be children), and it's my job to raise him up in the way that he should go.  To be a hard worker, an exceptional husband, a loving father, and a follower of Christ.  I can't expect anyone else to do it, the job is mine. 

I want to be a mom who is living life with her children, not in spite of them.  Taking the time and mustering the patience to see through their eyes for a bit.  Enjoying their happy faces in the morning instead of being upset that they are awake so early.  Stopping whatever task I'm in the middle of to play trains or make the bulldozer sound (because mom's is always so much better). Taking double the time to complete the chores so that I can let them use the vacuum or the dust rag.  Accepting that there will be additional cleanup because he wants to help mix the flour and egg.  Understanding that motherhood means less sleep, less time, and less energy than I would like.  Because it's not about me anymore.  It's about the lessons my children need to learn in the short time they are awake each day.  That usually makes me bad cop, while my husband gets to be good cop...I don't think I'll regret the end result.  It just means I have to make twice the effort to remind them that I love them.  And because I love them, I will do all that I can to discipline fairly, consistently, and from a root of love not anger or frustration. 

I never want my children to question how important they are to me.  I never want them to think that I'm too busy to sit with them, read to them, sing with them, or love on them.  I don't want to be sitting around a campfire years from now surprised by the stories they tell.  I'd rather have been a part of their stories.  "Remember the time that you and mom..."

Go ahead...make a mess

Every once in a while, I have these moments where I can stop and realize that I'm doing a great job as a mom.  That he really IS better off here with me than at a daycare center or even with grandma.  One of those moments came a few days ago (I know, I'm behind) after cleaning up yet another mess.  Yes, you read that right.  It is possible to have a good mom moment while cleaning a mess.  I'll explain...

A month or so ago, we visited a local pumpkin patch.  While there, I found it difficult to pull Carter away from this

Who knew a feeding trough and corn would be such a hit?! So ever since then, I've been trying to think of a way to do something like the trough here at home.  Obviously the whole feeding trough motif doesn't jive with what we've got going on here in suburbia, so it was going to take some imagination.  Sandbox perhaps? Maybe next spring, but it's going to require some work from dad.  Enter the rice box...

I saw a version on Pinterest and against all inner OCD voices, I decided to make my own.  I used rice and split peas (split peas because they were on sale...and pretty) then just dropped a few small cups, an old plastic measuring spoon, and the top half of a small coke bottle for him to use as a funnel. Now you may be thinking what everyone told me- "What a mess." But I still think back and appreciate the time I spent at my grandma Dot's house when I was young.  Not because she let us do whatever we wanted, because she most certainly didn't.  Not because she bought us fancy toys or clothes, because she couldn't afford to.  I liked being there because she rarely said "no" to a creative activity.  Mess or no mess, we were welcome to her acrylic paints, her brushes, her paper, her fabric scraps, her thread, her glue, her perfectly sharpened pencils, her flour and Crisco to make sugar cookie people, her wooden spoons, her pots, her pans, and her rain buckets outside to make mud pies.
I want to give Carter the opportunity to be creative, and more often than not, creativity comes by way of a mess.  As a Science teacher, I think I became more comfortable with organized mess.  Even seventh graders spill, drop, and break things.  So I guess, in many ways, teaching was the best preparation for motherhood.  While I do NOT believe in unorganized mess, ie Carter getting into the pantry on his own and opening bags of dried goods without supervision, I do believe in presenting kids with the opportunity to learn.  And in the few days that Carter has played with his rice, he has learned to keep the mess inside the bucket, and when he does spill, he has learned to get the hand vac and clean it up.  And really, what meaningful activity doesn't require a little clean-up? I can't think of one. And the best part?  Mom can sit him at the table and get up to an hour's worth of work done in exchange for about 3 minutes of clean up!! 

stimulating the economy: things I couldn't live without this winter

They say "Money can't buy happiness," but it CAN buy products that have the power to change your life!  And honestly, I think I was surprised by small things that made all the difference for me.  So here are a few things that I splurged (I use this word lightly because these things aren't real expensive) on to prepare for a very pregnant holiday season.

#1 Maternity Pillow

I was a bit skeptical of these things when I was pregnant with my first child, but I'm a believer now!  If you are or ever have been pregnant and remember the 3rd trimester tossing and turning you will understand the gravity of my next statement: I can sleep and stay asleep in the SAME position ALL NIGHT LONG using this pillow.  I can't explain why it's better than shoving a bunch of regular pillows between your legs and behind your back...but it is.  It just is.  It supports in all the right places, and is the right amount of firm.  Plus, you can put it in like 8 different shapes to fit your needs!  My regular pillows have been in the floor since I got the Snoogle (Amazon 65.00) , and I have a feeling they may not return even after the baby arrives. Changed my life!

#2  Mens Boxer Briefs

So my husband threw an old pair of his Calvins at me one night and said "try those on. I got the wrong fit.  They are too short."  His loss, my gain.  They are now what goes on after the bra, uncomfortable prepregnancy underwear, and makeup come off. 

#3  Vaseline Intensive Repair Lotion

Okay, so you may be wondering "really? lotion?"  Yes.  Really.  I must say that I don't know anyone with dryer skin than mine.  This stuff works!  All day!  I even put it on my face!  Winter has always been dry and itchy for me, but this has seemed to cure it!  Never using another lotion again.  Drugstores for about 5.00.

#4 Old Navy Sweater Knit Booties

Lots of fun patterns, but I chose Heather Brown (because I'm safe and boring, I know). They go great over leggings.  'Nuff said. Old Navy 23.00

#5 Bandeau Top

I may have become obsessed with these after seeing Dani from Big Brother wear them under her razor back tanks all summer, but I'm glad I have them for winter!  Next best thing to going braless, and I can still answer the door or run to the store without being inappropriate.  Now, I will say, while I'm a C/D during pregnancy, I'm pushing a B normally so I don't have support issues(yet...I'm sure that day will come).  Underwire is more of a formality rather than a necessity for me so a bra like this is possible. Victoriassecret.com 14.50 when you buy 2 

Go ahead...try something on the list and tell me you don't love it.  I dare you.

Because I Don't Say It Enough

When I met you, I was dead.  I was cold and alone and kept walls up to protect me from loving or being loved by anyone ever again.  It seems like a lifetime ago, and it's hard to imagine that young woman now. 
But I believe God sent you to me.  Dropped you right into my life when I least expected but when I needed you most.  When I needed love the most.  He knew that you would make me want to be a better person.  To be smarter.  To be kinder.  To be loving.  To be driven.  To be focused.  To be passionate.  To be hard-working.  To be faithful.  To be honorable.  To be successful.  To be admirable.  To be graceful.  To be honest.  To be tempered.  To be gentle.  To be strong.  To be more like you.  Because you are all of those things.  When I see you in a room full of people, I am so grateful that you are mine.  You are the guy in the room that everyone likes.  You are a good friend to those who are lucky enough to call you one.  You work hard to provide for our family.  You are an amazing father, and sometimes my heart can't handle how much I love to see you love our son.  You love me more than I deserve.  You are my best friend, and you are the one I want beside me.  If you aren't there with me to share it, chances are it won't be as great as it could have been.   You know me better than anyone, but you never stop trying to understand me better. 
And because I don't say it enough...Daniel, you are wonderful and I love you.