Mommy Confessions: Pitchin' a tent
Ever have a day or three when you just feel a little blue for no good reason at all? Well, that's where I am, and there are probably a few reasons, but as I said...none of which are good enough to warrant a three day slump. None-the-less, I'm here, and today I should probably have taken Carter outside or done something productive, but I just didn't want to. What I really wanted was to get out of my head and live in some other story for a while. I usually read to do that, but I haven't found a book good enough to hold my attention lately. So I decided to watch one or two of the 15 movies that have been sitting unwatched on my DVR, but alas, they do not include brightly colored animated characters, so I knew Carter wouldn't be interested in watching with me. And I hate the idea of me being a bum while he has nothing to do but get in to trouble. Solution? A tent.
Because even the most ordinary things are more fun in a tent. So I, with as much excitement as I can muster, announce this morning that we will have a tent day. I made his lunch picnic style, grabbed the iPad, some blankets, Charlie's bottle, a little debbie for myself {because what's a down day without junk food?} and upstairs we went.
It was just enough to make the day exciting for him, and it kept the mom guilt from creeping in on me while I watched Secretariat in bed. After he ate, he pulled in some trucks, a puzzle, and a flashlight, and was very pleased with himself.
I'm allowing myself this last day to be blue, because really, enough already. But I never want Carter to suffer because of my stupid mood. That just adds to the already ever-present mom guilt and makes things worse. So I'll put the tent in my growing trunk of tricks for the next down day, rainy day, or toodanghottoplayoutside day.
I'm planning to suggest coloring in the tent after nap time.
Back to the movies for me. Now Showing: Red Riding Hood
Mommy Confessions: Can I get a time out?
Bill Cosby said that you're not really a parent until you have at least 2 kids, and now I know why he believes that and why my parents always laughed at that line. I thought I knew what multi-tasking was when I became a middle school teacher, but this is a whole new kind of plate spinning. Take the other night, for example. I go in to get 3 week old Charlie up for his 7pm feeding to find him covered neck-to-toe in poo. {I know, another post involving poo. Forgive my lack of diversity} So, while my 2 year old Carter is occupied with his red balloon, I get a very unhappy Charlie in the bath. Midway through his bath, I look up to see Carter waddling in with a stride so wide it can only mean 1 of 2 things. Either a.) he has ridden horseback cross country or b.) he too has pooed his pants. I ruled out saddle seat and went with the poo theory. Ordered him to the potty, and with one hand on Charlie {because an infant drowning would not help things}, I used the other to somehow get Carter undressed and on to the toilet. I add his dirty clothes to the already soiled pile to be washed out in the tub after I finish with Charlie. Then, in walks my husband. Awesome. I'm sure I am the picture of poise and control at this moment. Part of me wanted to ask him to leave and come back in 10 minutes when I have this all under control and not look like such a mess. The other part of me was glad that he jumped in and helped to get Carter cleaned up. I later realized, as I sat down to eat the dinner that Daniel brought home, that this was the first meal I'd had all day. How does that happen?
Needless to say, I was glad to wake up Wednesday morning knowing that Carter would spend the next 36 hours with my mother-in-law. My own personal time out. Time to regroup and recharge. I used to use those days to run errands and complete projects that couldn't be done while he was home. Now? Between Charlie meals, I sleep. As.Much.As.Possible. The combination of late night feedings and keeping a toddler busy all day makes for one tired mommy. Lucky for me, Charlie is a fan of lazy days.
Needless to say, I was glad to wake up Wednesday morning knowing that Carter would spend the next 36 hours with my mother-in-law. My own personal time out. Time to regroup and recharge. I used to use those days to run errands and complete projects that couldn't be done while he was home. Now? Between Charlie meals, I sleep. As.Much.As.Possible. The combination of late night feedings and keeping a toddler busy all day makes for one tired mommy. Lucky for me, Charlie is a fan of lazy days.
I also enjoyed being able to shower without the door being flung open to hear "Hey mommy!!" I realize how much my life has changed during those quiet moments. When I think to myself, Oh, yay! I have time to shave my legs!
I'm sure in a few years, I'll look back at these posts with nostalgia and wish for the baby days again. I'll have had Mommy Amnesia and will have forgotten about the lack of sleep, and feeling like a zombie most days. Until then, I'll take all the time outs I can get.
Mommy Confessions: Go to your room
I have really surprised myself as a mom when it comes to the patience department. My siblings would probably tell you that as a young person, I could be a bit volatile. Like a dry match just looking for something to rub me the wrong way so that I could explode with dramatic flare. Let's just say, there are very few moments in life that I look back on with regret, but they all include my blowing up and either making a fool of myself or really hurting close friends or family. So I'm not sure if maturity, marriage, middle schoolers, God, or a combination of all 4 are to credit, but I think I've mellowed out. There have been times, as a mom, that the old me would have gone off like a truckload of fireworks, but somehow I've managed to laugh or breathe through most situations. Like this one...
Yeah, those would be my laptop keys on the floor
When I walked in and found him on the bed popping keys off one by one, all I could do was laugh on the inside. However, as a parent, I know the importance of discipline and making sure he knew the gravity of the situation. Part of me wanted to storm in, grab him by the shoulders, scream " have you LOST YOUR MIND?!!!" Instead I walked in, took his face in my hands and calmly explained that he was in trouble. Upon hearing that he broke Mommy's computer and that it was very very bad...he started crying. It might be the first time I've really seen him remorseful of what he had done. So I chalked it up as a win for me. No temper needed. Just the facts. You screwed up, son, and mom's not happy about it. He hasn't touched the computer since.
But my best moment so far in this Terrible Two's adventure has been "go to your room until you are ready to obey mommy." As he toddles up the stairs obediently and shuts his door, I think "did that really just happen?!" Yeah, it did. And it TOTALLY WORKED! At a moment when I could not TAKE another whine, fake tear, or obstinate cry I sent him away for fear of losing my temper. It was my answer to I don't want to damage your soul, but if you're gonna cry...I don't really care to hear it right now.
My husband tried it again while fighting the all too familiar "take another bite" dinner table game. We'd had enough. Carter had his mouth covered with both hands and eyes tightly shut. You would have thought that chicken casserole was cold chopped liver. Well, no sense in ruining our dinner..."go to your room until you are ready to eat your dinner." 10 minutes later he is back at the table happily eating while Daniel and I cheer him on.
My principal once told me that teaching is like a game. "You just have to learn how to win against the students every day." If you lose your cool or leave feeling defeated you've lost. If they leave having done what you asked and learned something in the process you've won. I like to think of parenting in the same way. Yay me for keeping my cool, and for teaching my kid that it's not okay to act like a hooligan. One victory at a time, right?
Mommy Confessions: I've Gone Soft
I'm not going to lie...some people (and by people I mean my mother) thought I was crazy for putting my newborn on a rigid schedule. I lived and breathed that schedule for the first year, and it worked for us. But somewhere along the line...that schedule became less rigid. And then "less rigid" became "pretty flexible". And then "pretty flexible" became "whenever I can get him to agree to it." And all of a sudden, I've lost my power. I went soft. I have officially lost all hardcore Type A Mommy street cred. I've replaced words like "too bad, sucka" with "oh honey, I'm sorry" and the attitude of "because I said so" with "okay...just one more time." If I were in the mob...they'd chop off my little finger and call me Pinkie to remind me that weakness is never an option. Instead, as a mom...weakness means I'm left with a bratty, tantrum throwing, line crossing, tester of a two year old. I think I'd prefer to lose a pinkie. Solution:
Mommy Confessions: Who ARE you?!
Terrible Twos? No Problem. I'll get through it. I'll read the books when it's time. Well, guess what...they came a knockin' and look who isn't prepared AT ALL!
I know, he looks innocent enough, but let me assure you, the impatient and obstinate temper-tantrum-thrower lives on the inside. And when he comes out to play....it's enough to make this woman lose her Christianity. The problem is you just don't see it coming!
Take today, for instance. It started out innocently enough- Breakfast as usual, we made the bed, we washed some dishes, I took my shower, we got him dressed for the day, and loaded up in the car for a trip to the fabric store. All was well....until it wasn't.
He's in the cart while I am trying to pick out a fabric to recover my old childhood toy chest, and then he wants me to hold him. Then he wants my cell phone. Then he wants to get down and push the cart. Then he runs the cart into a wall and bangs his head. Then he's mad at me because it's obviously my fault. Then he wants his juice, which is conveniently located in the car (stupid!) Then he just wants to get the heck out of there, which won't work because I refuse to leave with the denim I've chosen before looking at all of my options.
So, I had my first real terrible two breakdown in Joann Fabrics. Somehow, I made it to the counter with the denim that would just have to work, and checked out. Got him to the car, buckled him in...all the while ignoring the awful display of brattiness that is being yelled in my ear and slapped in my face (literally). I calmly get in the drivers seat, shut the door, turn the key....and in the safety of my car, unleash the Chuck Edens(my father) temper. "NO MORE TANTRUM!!! NO MORE!! NOT ANOTHER WORD!!"- Silence. Quivering lip. Hurt feelings written all over his face, but silent.
I immediately felt awful. Fail. Really? Yelling? At a toddler? I beat myself up all the way to subway, where...I confess, to avoid another awful moment, I left him in the running car while I ordered and payed for my turkey sandwich. While inside I decided that no one would steal a car with such an explosive 2 year old in the back.
We made it home, I fed our hungry bellies, put him to bed, and now I'm praying that a nap will do us both some good.
The Childhood Education major in me understands why this is an emotional time for him. He's just big enough to communicate what he wants, nearly big enough to get it or do it himself, but doesn't understand why I won't let him. He doesn't understand the dangers, the social rules, or the delayed implications. He hears "no" more often than "yes", and that has to be frustrating. I still stand firm in my belief that the Terrible Twos are only terrible when parents lose their patience...and I lost mine today. And yeah, it was pretty terrible.
