Passport- Recent Travel History

I have been blessed in this past year, and have been able to travel with my husband and family to a few places so I wanted to document those to begin my new page "Passport".

First Up: Charleston- October 2010

We planned this trip with Daniel's parents, and were grateful for the extra 2 sets of hands when it came to keeping up with Carter.  We rented a condo on the Isle of Palms to take advantage of the Atlantic Ocean, and drove across the bridge to Charleston to do all of the site seeing...and man, was there a lot to see!  I could probably go another 5 times and still wouldn't have seen everything.  We ate great food, walked market street, went on a couple of tours...one haunted of course, and had some fun at the beach. I suggest one of the horse-drawn carriage tours...you see a lot, learn a lot, and don't have to walk!  It's a city full of history, and I soaked up as much as I could.

 

This was our first vacation with Carter, and his first beach experience!

I love the Live Oak trees! They were everywhere.

Next is Washington D.C.-November 2010

This is a trip that all Americans should take...and I'm so glad I did it as an adult.  I was awe struck at the grandeur and history of our capital.  The best night we had was the very first night when we took to the Moonlit Monuments tour.  We saw all of the major monuments at night, all lit up.  It was beautiful, and something about the blanket of darkness and quiet really set the mood.  I cried several times on the tour...the first while reading Lincolns Second Inaugural Address at the Lincoln Memorial-left.  The second was while passing the thousands of unmarked tombstones that belonged to black citizens...some of whom were newly freed slaves.  It was mind blowing to know that those men fought for a country that had enslaved them...and now couldn't even be named.  The more we passed, the more I cried.  I was so proud, and so ashamed at the same time.  That trolley tour was so fun, and it's what I choose

to remember about that trip.  The rest was a blur...but I have a trolley on my charm bracelet to kind of commemorate that trip. 

Miami- December 2010

This trip was a bit of a last minute decision, but I am so glad I went! Daniel had some work obligations to take care of first, so I got some much needed R&R in the sun.  We stayed a few extra days to squeeze in some site-seeing.  We went between thanksgiving and Christmas which ended up being the best time to go because vacationers stay home during that time.  No waits at restaurants, no crowds, no problem finding a pool chair (yes it was warm enough to sun bathe). Perfect timing!                   We toured the Vizcaya Home-pictured left.  So fun...we did a quick tour of the house, and then spent the rest of the day running around in the gardens.  Hedge mazes, hardscape, and water features galore.  The cafe however {which is really just a small food truck} was not so impressive.  But we made the best of it, haha.                                   

We also went to the Miami Zoo, which was also fun.  It has been a long time since I've been to a zoo, and I don't think I've ever seen a real elephant or gorilla.  So I was so excited to go to an open air zoo where there were elephants and gorillas right across a ditch from where I stood!  No fences, just a big ditch. So cool. The giraffe area was one of my favorite stops.                                                         

My Offensive End

So we've always heard about the power of words, but I'm starting to realize the truth in that saying.  I knew that blogging would be a great outlet for me, and because I put it out into the universe, I've had some revelations come my way.  I believe in the concept of "standing in the gap" for someone...and in this season of my life, I believe that my mom, husband, close friends, and even my cousin chris have received divine insight in my stead.  I'd like to share one said insight today.

I tend to struggle with trying to please everyone.  I constantly replay conversations I've had with former bosses, friends, co-workers, family members and seem to come up with the perfect thing to say not in the perfect moment, but instead, on the car ride home through tears of frustration.  "Why didn't I say that?! Why didn't I just...fill in the blank.  How could this happen?  In those moments of fear, embarrassment, anger, or resentfulness, it is hard to hear that favorite phrase of mine (please note the sarcastic tone) "everything happens for a reason."

But after listening to a speech from Micheal Hyatt {link below}, something he said on this issue really resonated with me.  He relates the biblical story of King David, and how he was being persecuted near the end of his reign.  A man starts throwing stones at him (Don't know about you, but I've had a few metaphoric stones thrown at me in one way or another) and giving him the 'what-for'.  David's right-hand-man immediately comes to his defense, calls him a "dirty dog" (like any great friend would say), and asks if he can chop off his head.  Now, in my life, this scene would unfold at a table for 3 at chilis with my 2 best friends...I unload my worries, frustrations, concerns about someone or something and they loyally follow with maybe some choice words and excited validation of my feelings. Don't get me wrong, it helps for a few hours, but the same anxious feelings creep back in at some point.  However...King David gracefully responds with " Let him alone, and let him curse; for so the LORD has ordered him."  Wait a minute....what?! 

You're telling me that some dude throws a rock at your head, tells you that you've failed miserably at your calling and you just keep walking?!  Wow.  I believe that kind of restraint comes from knowing the heart of God.  While I'm not sure I can always be this wise in the moment, this one verse has really given me faith and hope that all of the offenses, failures, and seemingly hopeless situations in my life may have been ordered by God.  That in this time when I am asking questions like "Did I make the right decision? How could this have happened? Where ARE you Lord?" I can have the faith of David and know that he is with me and has ordered my steps. 

I imagined a different order to things, I must admit.  I quit my job thinking that I would soon have a second child, a great church to dive into, great hobbies to better myself, maybe a little schooling to advance my mental capacity...but none of those things have happened the way that I thought they would. Pile on top a few friendships gone by the way-side and you have yourself a full blown pity party.  So I have to say...I've taken the bait at times and doubted his plan.  But I am growing in faith by the day, and receiving encouragement in unexpected ways...so I know that God is there.  Listening.  Knowing.  Loving.  And growing me in a way that might seem painful in the thick of it...but I know there will be fruit to show in the end!

So for the moment, I know that being offended or feeling sorry for myself is a choice.  And I'm choosing to operate in faith like David.  No, I am not a perfect christian, and my practicality sometimes gets in the way of my faith...but I belive this video was a great blend of the two and it spoke to me. so, thanks chris!

Key Note Speech by Micheal Hyatt:
http://michaelhyatt.com/my-keynote-speech-on-dealing-with-offenses.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+michaelhyatt+%28Michael+Hyatt%29

Becoming Emotionally Energy Efficient

Law of Conservation of Energy: Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, but transformed from one state to another.
I consider myself to be a high voltage kind of woman.  I've been described as running on 220 while people like my husband operate at 75.  I work quickly.  I even walk at a faster pace than most.  Somehow, I manage to complete major projects in a matter of hours.  When I make a decision to put my energy behind someone or something...it is with full force, and I can't think about anything else until the mission is complete or the problem is solved.  Some might call this a form of OCD (which is a complete misuse of the term, by the way...look it up), but I think that it is born out of a need for control and order (A good diet and physical stamina helps as well, but that's a whole other blog). You would think that being a stay-at-home mom would be a no brainer, and that I would be extremely productive.  Still, there are major issues and tasks that go unattended, and it made me wonder, "Why? How can I be home all day and still seem to get nothing done?"

A week or so ago, while advising a friend not to waste her energy on unworthy causes, I had to stop and think "Whoa sister....you better practice what you preach."  I began to think about all of the emotional energy I have wasted, and began to realize that certain relationships, habits and feelings have drained me.  Relationships that take but never give, habits that waste valuable time, feelings of doubt, worry, uncertainty; none of which are productive. Somehow, they creep in and set up camp in my mind.  They become a part of my everyday, and I allow it all to happen. I allow myself to become completely wrapped up in these things that don't matter.  That, in turn, takes energy away from more fulfilling things like my wonderful husband who would do anything to make me happy, my amazing 18 month old son, my family and close friends that deserve my undivided attention, & commitment to finding a new church.  Not to mention my relationship with the Lord, which I sometimes put in a box on the top shelf because it's not working for me at that particular moment.  I thought that I would be less emotionally drained once I stopped teaching and didn't have to deal with pleasing a boss, co-workers, parents, and 150 students everyday...but I've found that I've simply transferred all of that stress.  It doesn't just disappear...it just manifests itself in other areas.

So I have to wonder, can the law of conservation of energy apply to emotional energy as well? Could it perhaps be worded as "My emotional energy is neither created nor destroyed but transformed from one useless, counter-productive state to another useful productive state" ? I believe so, but it will take work & prayer.

Perhaps this is why God urges us to put on the "helmet of salvation"- Ephesians 6:17....our mind does take an awful lot of beating.

the "m" word

Miscarriage. I know, we don't talk about. It's uncomfortable. It's sad. It's frightening. It's stressful. It's sometimes unavoidable. And this may be socially unacceptable...but I'm talking about it.

Having had Carter unexpectedly and without any major problems, I took for granted how stressful it can be to have another.  Once we had Carter I wanted as many as I could handle.  I wanted a big family with a refrigerator full of finger paintings and aced spelling tests.  An SUV full of car seats, sippy cups and stale goldfish.  I know that we are great parents and the world will be a better place with our kids in it, but no one warns you that all of those dreams may not come true.

When we found out that we were pregnant again, we were excited and immediately began to think and dream about him or her.  We picked names and had become attached to the month of June.  I painted mental pictures of what he or she would look like, and what kind of personality he or she would have.  I wondered what kind of brother Carter would be, and thought of how I would prepare him.  I began looking at double strollers and cleared out the extra bedroom for the extra little person we would have....and then it happened.

For some unexplained reason, my body rejected and attacked the bundle of new cells we had created.  As a science teacher, it was incredible to know the biology behind it all, but as a mother and as a woman....it was devastating.  To know that my body was working against me.  My body was working against the very purpose of my being.  My body betrayed me, and there was nothing that I could do about it.  There was nothing that I could have done better, no pill I could have taken, no exercise I could have done, and no book I could have read.

As with any other loss of life, people say the required sympathies..."Everything happens for a reason. I'm sorry for your loss. It is with Jesus now. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh..." etc. All of which I hated.  Everything happens for a reason?? If I let myself believe that then I had to believe that, surely, God could have come up with some other method for whatever that reason was.  So for my own sanity I chose to blame it on science. I can relate to DNA malfunctions, faulty implantation's or antibodies gone rogue. So in my own way, I worked through it.  I cried a lot once or twice and chose to move on. 

But no one tells you about how it will be thrown in your face over and over until you conceive successfully again.  "Oh Carter is so cute! It's about time for another isn't it?"-a random nurse says one day. All I can say is "we're working on it" because how awkward for her would it be to say "yeah, well I thought so too but apparently we are both wrong because I had a miscarriage so now I have to wait the prescribed amount of time before trying again.  Thanks for playing."
Not to mention all of the anxiety that will be my next successful pregnancy.  Is it safe to run? Is it safe to travel? Is it safe to lift this laundry basket? Can I handle another failure?

Even though this may not sound very positive or uplifting...writing it and getting it out is extremely helpful. And while I'm not sure that "Everything happens for a reason," I am sure that I can control how I respond to my circumstance. And I am choosing to respond with prayer, patience, and some positivity.  So let this be a warning for those who would like to ask someone if they are going to have more children...they may already have tried, failed, and are waiting to try again. 

I am hoping that I will have a happy Part 2 to this blog soon, but until then...I am staying positive.  "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 "Ask and it will be given to you....For everyone who asks receives" Matthew 7: 7-8 

The Power of Pavement

I was never a huge fan of running. I never understood how people became addicted to it. I've always considered myself a pretty active person and will do what I need to keep in shape, but running was never at the top of the list of preferred activities. That is, until I became a mom.
During the first few months of motherhood, I questioned every decision I made when it came to my son, Carter. I constantly worried if one decision would create a bad habit and ultimately ruin him for life {insane, I know}. While those thoughts become less intense as I become more comfortable in this role, they are ever present. Add to that a marriage, meals to prepare, and a house to maintain and you've got yourself a constant stream of mindless tasks and thoughts. Like 24 hour talk radio.
But as I tie my tennis shoe laces and slip my ipod ear buds into my ears and press play, that chatter becomes less and less obtrusive. By the time I leave the driveway it's almost completely silenced, and as I pick up my pace from a walk to a run nothing else exists. I know that for the next 45 minutes it's all about me and how much my body can take. For those 45 minutes I'm not a mom, I'm not a wife, I'm not a cook, I'm not a maid....I am just Heather. I match my stride to the beat of the music blasting in my ears and push my body to the next stop sign, then to the next, then the next. I push through every muscle in my legs screaming for rest. My mind can't focus on anything other than breathing, the pain in my legs and the pavement in front of me.There is no room here for stress, worry, guilt or anger. It is my chance to succeed and overrule all of the failures of the day, week, or year. The pavement doesn't judge. It doesn't need me to be a perfect mom, or a wife who says all the right things. It doesn't need me to be a good listener or a shoulder to cry on.  It doesn't need anything....but I need it.  And so began my love affair with pavement.  :)