The Walking Dead

Do you ever find yourself wanting to punch the person sleeping like a baby(and maybe even snoring)  beside you while you toss and turn in wide-awake misery?

Yeah, it was that kind of night last night. 

I should preface this blog by saying that nighttime sleep and I have never really been friends.  I have always had a hard time falling and staying asleep.  As a child, I would intuitively know when my dad got home from work at 11:30pm.  Like clockwork, most every weeknight, I'd make the zombie walk to the living room recliner to crawl up in his lap and watch something like The History of World War II Fighter Planes until I fell back asleep.-You'd be surprised to know how many war planes I can correctly identify to this day.

As a teen, my mom would find me rearranging or reorganizing my room at midnight.  As a college student...well, let's face it.  No one gets or seems to need a lot of sleep in their early 20's.

However, as a grown arse pregnant woman who has to be up bright and early with a toddler, I would love to have a full night's sleep.  Unfortunately, I can count on one hand the number of times that's happened in the past year.

I've decided that my brain is the most active it can be the few minutes before I fall asleep.  What is my mind so busy doing?  I'll run you through the nightly routine.

1. Checklist: To do-tomorrow, to do-this week, to do-sometime in the near future

2. Worries: How did I screw up my child today?  Do I have cancer? (because it looks like we are all gonna get it at some point, right?) Am I getting enough exercise?  Am I eating right?  Maybe I should try a fruit and vegetable detox.  My face is dry...I need a new moisturizer.  When was the last time I washed my makeup brushes? We have company coming over on Saturday, so I should probably dust and mop downstairs.

3. Pregnancy: I am so uncomfortable. Why does the baby choose to be still all day, then to kick non-stop from 11pm to 1am? I hope I get a good nurse when I go into labor.  How many weeks left?  I wonder if I should try doing it natural this time?  Eh, probably not.  Ok, if Daniel is out of town when I go into labor, first I call Barbara to come and watch Carter.  Then I call Lori to take me to the hospital.  Then I call mom to meet us there.  If Daniel is in town, first I call him...but maybe it will happen while he's at home.  Oh I hope he's at home. 

4. Ridiculousness: Random memories/flashbacks from months or even years ago.  What I SHOULD have said to so-and-so when they made me feel like an idiot.  Zombie epidemic/ Apocalypse evacuation plan (you can never be too prepared). 

5. Solving the World's Problems...usually starts with revamping the Education system and ends with the resolution that a Watson will need to become President for this nation to be restored to greatness.

6. Frustration: Why can't I FALL ASLEEP?!! I am so mad that everyone else is asleep and I'm not.

7. Prayer: Please, Lord help me fall asleep.

8. Contemplate taking medication: should I take some benadryll?  Maybe Tylenol Pm...no.  It's 2 am now, it will take an hour to kick in, so that's 3am.  Then I have to be up with Carter at 7.  That would mean I would need an entire cup of coffee in the morning, which means I don't get to have a coke at lunch.  No medicine it is.

I think I've decided that this kind of checklist is a curse that most grown, responsible women have to bare.  Surely I'm not the only one.  Because that would make me crazy, and that's just not a worry I'm willing to tack on to the rest.  So for now, I guess we can raise our morning coffee cups and toast to the fact that we have a life, a family, and a group of friends to think about at night.  Cheers! 

Mommy Confessions: I've gone soft

I'm not going to lie...some people (and by people I mean my mother) thought I was crazy for putting my newborn on a rigid schedule.  I lived and breathed that schedule for the first year, and it worked for us.  But somewhere along the line...that schedule became less rigid.  And then "less rigid" became "pretty flexible".  And then "pretty flexible" became "whenever I can get him to agree to it."  And all of a sudden, I've lost my power.  I went soft.  I have officially lost all hardcore Type A Mommy street cred.  I've replaced words like "too bad, sucka" with "oh honey, I'm sorry" and the attitude of "because I said so" with "okay...just one more time." If I were in the mob...they'd chop off my little finger and call me Pinkie to remind me that weakness is never an option.  Instead, as a mom...weakness means I'm left with a bratty, tantrum throwing, line crossing, tester of a two year old.  I think I'd prefer to lose a pinkie. Solution:

No more Mrs. Nice Mom...back to the schedule it is.  Oh, you'd like to throw a tantrum? Time outs are back, too.  No questions.  Mobster style.  No mercy.  2 days and counting.  He doesn't even know what hit him.  In bed at 7:30, Cat In the Hat ONE TIME, Sing Adel Weiss ONE TIME and I'm out, son.  "sleep with the fishes"....okay that's a little hardcore.  "Sleep like a baby" is probably more appropriate.  Maybe a little Mrs. Nice Mom is okay. 

Keep On Keepin' On: Potty Training Beyond Day 3

It's been almost two weeks since the 3 Day potty training began, and I must say...the whole experience is better than what I thought it'd be (expect the worst, and maybe you'll be surprised- my motherhood motto).  I've learned that like all other child training, consistancy is key.  We have to celebrate the 23,000th time just as much as we celebrated the 1st time.  This, my friends, requires endless energy.  Accidents still happen (usually when he is distracted by buzz lightyear) which requires endless patience.

He has been at Grandmother's all week while mommy was soaking up sun at the beach, so I had a feeling today would be a doozy.  I was right. 

Not only did I have to remind him that tantrum = spanking (yes, I spank. Get over it, or get on board), I also had to pretend like it was potty training day 1 again.  Watching him like a hawk, and giving him lots of juice so we had lots of oppertunities to go in the potty.  Gummy bears, potty dance, oxy clean, rags. 

We have learned that reading material is helpful to keep Mr. Ninety-miles-a-minute on the pot for longer than 2.5 seconds. 

It never failed...he would have a poo poo accident 5 minutes after getting off the pot.  So, keeping him on a few extra minutes "just to be sure" never hurts. "Max's Halloween" is his favorite right now.  Mommy prefers "Diapers Are Not Forever." Just sayin.

All we can do is keep working toward no accidents.  So here's to a future of countless celebratory dance parties in the bathroom!