Letter To My Boys

Recently I overheard a conversation between parents where one asked the other, "What do you want for your children?" and the other responded "I just want them to be happy."  It made me wonder, what do I want for my children?  Do I just want you to be happy?  Not really.  Happiness isn't reliable.  It's not some reachable destination.  It's ever-changing and often fleeting.  I'd say, at the very least, I want you to be happy.  Do I want you to find joy in your everyday life? Of course, yes.  But I want your lives to reflect the greatness that I know is within you, and greatness is born from moments that aren't so happy.  Greatness is born from overcoming frustration.  Greatness is born from overcoming fear, restlessness, anger or hurt.  It comes with tears and worry and sleepless nights.  It comes with ridicule and competition.  It requires hard lines that can't be crossed, steadfast faith that refuses to be broken, and courage to do what's not always easiest.  It requires balls of steel in moments of weakness...to either walk away, or to face the consequences of giving in.  It almost always includes making mistakes.  Moments that make you cringe.  And that's okay.  Be thankful for the lesson, ask for forgiveness, and move on.  As much as I want to shield you from all of those awful things, I know that growth or change isn't possible without them.  I also know that surviving those awful things requires knowing the One who put the greatness inside you, and His son who made your knowing Him possible. 

What do I want for you?  I want you to find your own greatness in life over and over again.  It's part of who you are and the legacy you leave.  It lives with you and beyond you. 

Keeping The Peace

I'm not gonna lie, there was a time when my temper could have been described as "backwoods."  One wrong look and I'd ask what exactly it is that you are staring at and if you'd like to take a picture.  I vaguely remember being the cause of an afternoon run to the E.R. because my brother needed stitches.  But honestly, be it age or be it experience, I've learned to laugh things off.  I rarely take myself seriously, much less the words of others.  But it seems that lately, my sense of humor is being tested. 
Do you ever have a day when you wish you had a free pass to say or do whatever you wanted?  It's that kind of week for me.  What I'd really like to say to said person is "how about you back up ten feet before speaking with me so that I'm not tempted to break your face with my elbow." or "what if you take those awful words back, and instead tell me 3 things that you love about me so that we can all recognize how freakin fabulous I am." or "yeah, nice to see you too, a-hole." or "don't mind me.  I'm just a human with a soul" or "don't worry about it.  I'll be the adult here since you obviously weren't going to take that route."
What stops me every time is the notion that most people, including me, aren't always aware of their tone, timing, or straight up lack of common decency.  I give most people the benefit of the doubt...sometimes to a fault.  And at the end of the day, I'll take the blow because honestly, I know I can handle it.  Probably better than most.  I know I'm an amazing mom, a thoughtful daughter, a supportive sister, a beautiful wife, a loyal friend, and overall an enjoyable person to be around.  So suckas can't get me down...and they definitely won't cause me to tarnish my Educated Citizen status.  Because reacting would give them what they want, and I'm not about to give them the satisfaction. 

Also, I'd hate for my children to have to speak to me from the other side of a prison cell.    

Mommy Confessions: My Son May Be a Genius. He May Also Be a Nudist

I will never claim to be a perfect mom.  And let's be real, some days I wouldn't even say I'm a great mom.  I do what I can a day at a time, and it's a bonus if at the end of any of those days we end up with one moment worthy of my Mommy Highlight Reel. 

Oh, don't pretend you don't have a highlight reel. 

Mine comes in the form of pictures on my phone.  "stay RIGHT there, kid!  I need a picture to document how awesome we were in this moment." {Because, after all, if there's not a picture...did it really happen?}  This way, when I scroll through, I see all the fantastic mommy moments I had, and I can forget about all the horrendously unattractive housewife outtakes that happened in between. 

If you don't have a highlight reel already, GET ONE.

Last week, I added a few more pictures to my highlight reel.  I may not be great at every aspect of being a mom, but teaching, that I can do.  I was made to do it.  My kid knows his alphabet, his numbers, he can count forwards and backwards, he knows time, his address, and how to spell his name. 

He's going to be President one day...

or maybe just a really intelligent hardworking individual who does great things in a normal-living kind of way. 

Either way, he needs a challenge, so I decided to make a trip to our local parent-teacher store to pick up some activity books.

Yeah, that's right. My 2.5 year old is working on a PreK-1st grade level. folks.

I've set "school time" during Charlie's morning nap, and right now we are working towards writing letters by tracing lines and such.

But I can't be great at everything...which is why he's completely naked in this picture {cropped out for your viewing comfort}.  Great at teaching. Not so great at keeping my child clothed.  Sometimes, all times, it's just easier to keep the kid naked.

Do what you can, right?

Summer Bucket List

Adventures are meant for SUMMER!  Especially when you have little ones.  Hopefully this list will grow as I think of things.  It's a work in progress, and I'll link things as I go.

Nashville Zoo
Chatanooga Aquarium
Drive-In Movie
Berry Picking
Beach Trip
Trout Fishing
Camping Trip

Let's Zoo This!

Since little Charlie came along, Carter sometimes gets the short end of the attention stick.  So my husband and I planned a few adventures to take him on, just the three of us.  He's gotten to be a good little side kick, and he's pretty low maintenance at this age so I thought this summer would be the perfect time.  His reaction to the beach is really what inspired me.  He's old enough to appreciate the wonder of most things, and that is magic that you can't miss.  First up, the Nashville Zoo!

 Sometimes, as an adult, it's easy to pass up things like crawling on your hands and knees to get an inside view of a meerkat cage (above), skinning your ankles on the Jungle playground slide, or paying an extra ten dollars for a 3 minute zebra train ride.  But you do it because doing those things with mommy is what they may remember most.

 Those fish came correct and posed for photos

 My little photographer in training.  The elephants from his point of view



My sister Jennifer recently wrote a post that got me thinking about who I am as a person aside from being a mom.  It's so easy to lose yourself in the wake of everyday life.  In your children, your husband,or your job, and believe me, there are days when I feel like a zombie, but I think I've held on to who I am as an individual by remembering and relishing in my favorite things.  I know, we feel like we should always include Jesus, our children, and our husband when asked what our favorite things are...so let's just assume those are all a given here.  I'm talking about the things that I do for me, and I have to say the main ingredient to most of my favorite things is time.  Making time, finding time, or sometimes stealing time to think, time to breathe, and time to decompress.  Time to enjoy things like...

A long windows-down-radio-up kind of drive

As a mom and wife, this is probably the most accessible thing for me.  I've been known to grab my keys once the kids are in bed, or sometimes I just take the long way home from the grocery store.  I have great memories on back roads as a kid with my dad and as a teen with my friends.   I believe that country roads make heavy thoughts lighter, difficult conversations easier, stubborn tears fall quicker, and muddled minds clearer. 

A fire

There's something about sitting around a fire that draws out "remember when...?" stories.  And I have to say, I become exceptionally funny around a good fire...maybe because I feel more free to be myself.  Feel more free to be a little rowdy.  Crack jokes.  Have a beer.  Being by a fire usually means that the TV is nowhere near, the stars are out, the day is done, sleep is near and the ones you love are sitting next to you.

A good glass of wine

Anyone who knows me well knows that I love a good drink.  It's something that can be hard to admit as a christian, for some reason.  My opinion is keep it reasonable and keep it responsible.  And, for me, a glass of wine usually means I'm with good company. Which leads me to...

Girl time

For me, this is my most sacred favorite thing.  I cherish my close friends.  Talking and relating to the women in my life is what lets me know that I'm not alone.  I'm not the only one who struggles, who hurts, who fights, who gets upset, or who makes mistakes.  Sometimes we think other women have it all together, and we beat ourselves down for not having what we think others have.  But girl time always reminds me that we all have similar stories, and we, as females, just want to share those stories.  We want to talk about our day, our week, or our last few months.  We tell our stories as if they are mini soap operas and sometimes get tickled by the ridiculousness of it all.  We use a lot of hand gestures, our tone goes up a few octaves, and we laugh at things that later become "you had to be there" kind of moments.  There is no substitution for a good friend.
Travel

Whether it's up I-24 to Nashville or across the country to Seattle, I love to go and see.  It's been an added perk as a stay at home mom to be able to pack up and go whenever I want.  My husband travels quite a bit for work, so sometimes I tag along with him.  I love places with history, city skylines, exploring new cuisine, or being in awe of a beautiful view.  But it's not always glamorous, and I like it that way.  Sometimes it's walking up a gravel driveway in Amish country.  Sometimes it's being barefoot in a creek.  Whatever it is, I like the adventure of it all.  And when I have the time and the funds for it, I make it happen.
These are things that make me who I am.  These things keep me excited about life and thankful.  They are the things that remind me to take a breath and love the life I have.


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Forever Changed

I laugh when I think back to before I had children.  I used to think, I'll still be myself, just with kids.  I laugh because I am so different than the person I was then.  Because whether I believed it or not, my children would change me.  Being pregnant changed me.  Giving birth changed me.  Putting someone else's needs before my own changed me.  Watching a miracle, made from my own DNA, grow and evolve changed me.   My perspective encountered a shift, and while the world around me stayed the same, my thoughts, my feelings, my fears, and my dreams became much different.

I'm a firm believer in Nurture trumping Nature.  I believe that raising my children can be boiled down to Input = Output.  What I put in to my children will come back to me without fail.  It's biblical {planting = harvest} and it's science.  What isn't divinely or genetically determined for them, is up to me.  Language, dialect, accent, expressions, physicality, sense of humor, outlook on life, beliefs, values, the list goes on and on.  Once I had children, everything became centered around making sure I was giving high quality Input.  And thank God he made some changes in me so that I could.  One of the changes I've noticed most is how I love.

I've always had a hard time showing affection.  I'm not a very good hugger, I'm fully aware of it, and no, it's not something I'm willing to work on at this point in time- I'm a big fan of the high five.  My personal space is important to me, and I catch myself using strategies like laughter, humor, or sarcasm to keep people out of it or to keep from showing how I really feel{I am working on this}.  I've built some mighty fine walls in my lifetime, and some of them have been knocked down while others still stand in the way.  But nothing stands in the way of me loving my children.  I can't kiss them enough, hug them enough, cuddle enough, or tell them how much I love them enough.  Partly because I've taken enough child psychology classes to know that my usual crutches, ie. sarcasm, can be detrimental to young children, but mostly because God has been changing and tweaking my heart a little more each day. I remember the first tweak coming days after Carter was born.  I hadn't kissed him yet, and I remember getting a mental nudge, you should probably show him some affection...something other than just holding him.  The stream of endless kisses began that day and haven't stopped since.  So this Mother's Day, I'm grateful for all the ways my children have changed me, and most of all, for teaching me how to love. 

Maybe one day they'll teach me how to become a better hugger.