One step at a time

It happened.  I had been waiting for it, and honestly I'm surprised it didn't come sooner.  Buyer's remorse.  Panic.  The second guess.  The "oh, crap...what have I done?"  I'm 8 months pregnant with my second child, and I don't think I want to do this anymore.  I don't want to do labor.  I don't want to do the hospital.  I don't want to do late nights, early mornings, and no-sleep marathons again.  A lot of this was probably caused by the high blood pressure and the following bed rest order so it was very short lived.  I'd say a few minutes at the most.  But I'm allowed a freak-out moment, right? I think I've been so busy planning, preparing, organizing, and obsessing that I haven't let myself be scared.  Having children IS scary, and anyone who says differently is crazy.  It's grown up and a lot of responsibility and SCARY.  As if you aren't terrified of dropping, starving, breaking, or psychologically damaging your newborn as it is, they have to go and add SIDS to the pile of worries.  So as I was silently freaking out in the shower, I began to think of those first days and weeks with Carter. 

How I grappled my way through the dark, it seemed, but somehow came out on the other side with a healthy, happy, beautiful, well-behaved boy.  So being the prioritizing list-maker that I am, I decided to work through my panic with a survival list.  What are the absolutes?  The must-dos.  The most important milestones?  So I've been mentally compiling a list of important milestones that Carter and I reached together, and I'm getting them in writing so that I can come back and remind myself when things get difficult. 

1. Mastering the Meals- this is the most challenging and frustrating part of being a new parent, in my opinion.  It stressed me out wondering if Carter was latched on right, if he was getting enough milk, if I was a horrible mother because I'd rather pump and use bottles, and then justifying my decision to everyone who thought that was crazy.  But once I found my own groove, it became second nature.  It is important to figure out what works for not only the baby, but for you.  I think I let everyone convince me that traditional breastfeeding was somehow superior, but it just wasn't working for me.  I would end each session soaking wet and frustrated.  That's when I learned my lesson.  Every mom has an opinion about what works best, and my job is to sift through all the crap that doesn't work for me and only take the things that do.  Forget the rest.

2.  Setting the Schedule & Sticking To It- I chose to put Carter on a eat, wake, sleep schedule {Baby Wise}, and I am now a believer.  He was eating full meals and sleeping through the night by 6 weeks, and I'm convinced it was the routine.  Granted, as they grow, their schedule changes and grows with them, and that can be challenging but I can't imagine it any other way.  It helped me to create and define my new normal.  It also gave me the freedom to leave the house, the husband, and the baby and know that the world wouldn't end.  A lot of people argue that babies aren't machines and will set their own schedule...but this falls into the "crap that doesn't work for me" pile.  The rest of my life works around a schedule, so the child did too.  Still does.  And I'm a better, happier mom for it.

3.  The House Can Wait-  The toilets will get dirty.  The shower floor will get grimy.  The counters will get crummy.  The table will be cluttered.  The dishes will pile up.  The sheets won't get changed.  The laundry won't get washed.  AND. THAT. IS. OKAY.  I gave up this battle after killing myself the first few days.  {You'll notice the unfolded laundry in the background of this photo} I realized that I needed sleep more than I needed clean floors.  I needed a shower more than I needed an empty sink.  At first, I felt incredibly guilty when my mother or mother-in-law would come over and busy themselves with my usual chores...but I soon realized that it made them feel needed and useful.  They wouldn't do it if they didn't want to.  And besides, everyone else gets to benefit from your body's hard work when they hold that precious angel, and they didn't have to do a darn thing!  So really they owe me.  So, yes, you may put those dishes in the dishwasher.  Yeah, you can fold that clean laundry, if you want.  I wasn't going to get to it for days anyway.  I'll just go and grab a 30 minute nap if you don't mind because I didn't sleep a wink all night while worrying and caring for my bundle of joy.  Here's the monitor.  Wake me when he's hungry.

4.  Learn to Laugh-  which is the last thing you want to do when you've had next to no sleep, you're on your second cup of coffee, you're home alone thinking "no whammies, no whammies, no whammies!" because you just want to get through the day alive...and while routinely changing a diaper your little angel shoots liquid poo across the room.  Did that just happen?!  ANOTHER MESS FOR ME TO CLEAN?!...but the look on his face when it happened was pretty cute.  and now that I think about it, this is pretty funny.  dude, I'm laughing!  I'm laughing instead of crying!  Maybe I can do this whole "mom" thing.  Success.  Learn to laugh, because sometimes it's all you can do.  And other times, it's better than the alternative.

Those 4 things will get me through.  Not so overwhelming when I look at it that way.