Mommy Confessions: Who ARE you?!

Terrible Twos? No Problem. I'll get through it. I'll read the books when it's time. Well, guess what...they came a knockin' and look who isn't prepared AT ALL! 

I know, he looks innocent enough, but let me assure you, the impatient and obstinate temper-tantrum-thrower lives on the inside.  And when he comes out to play....it's enough to make this woman lose her Christianity.  The problem is you just don't see it coming!

Take today, for instance. It started out innocently enough- Breakfast as usual, we made the bed, we washed some dishes, I took my shower, we got him dressed for the day, and loaded up in the car for a trip to the fabric store. All was well....until it wasn't.

He's in the cart while I am trying to pick out a fabric to recover my old childhood toy chest, and then he wants me to hold him.  Then he wants my cell phone.  Then he wants to get down and push the cart.  Then he runs the cart into a wall and bangs his head.  Then he's mad at me because it's obviously my fault.  Then he wants his juice, which is conveniently located in the car (stupid!) Then he just wants to get the heck out of there, which won't work because I refuse to leave with the denim I've chosen before looking at all of my options. 

So, I had my first real terrible two breakdown in Joann Fabrics.  Somehow, I made it to the counter with the denim that would just have to work, and checked out.  Got him to the car, buckled him in...all the while ignoring the awful display of brattiness that is being yelled in my ear and slapped in my face (literally).  I calmly get in the drivers seat, shut the door, turn the key....and in the safety of my car, unleash the Chuck Edens(my father) temper.  "NO MORE TANTRUM!!! NO MORE!! NOT ANOTHER WORD!!"- Silence.  Quivering lip.  Hurt feelings written all over his face, but silent.

I immediately felt awful.  Fail.  Really?  Yelling?  At a toddler?  I beat myself up all the way to subway, where...I confess, to avoid another awful moment, I left him in the running car while I ordered and payed for my turkey sandwich.  While inside I decided that no one would steal a car with such an explosive 2 year old in the back. 

We made it home, I fed our hungry bellies, put him to bed, and now I'm praying that a nap will do us both some good. 

The Childhood Education major in me understands why this is an emotional time for him.  He's just big enough to communicate what he wants, nearly big enough to get it or do it himself, but doesn't understand why I won't let him.  He doesn't understand the dangers, the social rules, or the delayed implications. He hears "no" more often than "yes", and that has to be frustrating.  I still stand firm in my belief that the Terrible Twos are only terrible when parents lose their patience...and I lost mine today.  And yeah, it was pretty terrible.